THE MAN WITH NINE LIVES

Written by Donald Bellisario

Transcribed by Clay Arden for ByYourCommand.net

 

 

(Adama’s quarters)

 

ADAMA

(recording log)

It has been twelve sectons since Baltar’s surrender and our encounter with the advanced race, the mysterious ones, who gave us coordinates which presumably would guide us to the planet Earth.  No reference of time seems apparent in the curious directions, so it’s impossible to know whether we can expect to find Earth tomorrow or many yahrens from now.  But our scouts have located increased signs of the trail taken by our ancestors, the thirteenth tribe, and in my heart I feel we are getting close.  Celebrations are everywhere.  Our people’s expectations grow with every passing centar, and we’ve given our weary combat pilots time for leisure and rejuvenation, food, water, and hope. 

 

(Aboard a shuttle bound for the Rising Star, Apollo yawns as he sits next to Starbuck.)

 

APOLLO

Hmm.

 

STARBUCK

Ah, I can’t wait till we get to that gambling deck.  I got a new system that can’t lose.

 

APOLLO

(sighs)

Can’t lose?

 

STARBUCK

Nope. 

 

APOLLO

The gaming chancery on Pinius. 

 

STARBUCK

(groans)

That’s not fair.

 

APOLLO

I didn’t think so either, especially since I lost a secton’s pay betting your last system.

 

STARBUCK

Yeah.  Uh—I—I know what went wrong.  See—

 

APOLLO

So do I.  I lost a secton’s pay.

 

(The civilian Canaris shuttle also approaches the Rising Star.)

 

CONTROL VOICE

Canaris shuttle, this is Rising Star approach control.  You are number two in the docking pattern.

 

(Aboard the Canaris shuttle, Chameleon and Siress Blassie watch a television program.)

 

ZED (on screen)

…optimistic that we have eluded any Cylon pursuit in this star quadrant. 

 

ZARA (on screen)

Reports that the Galactica has granted furlons to some of her squadrons would seem to support that.  Good news for a change, Zed. 

 

ZED

Stay tuned after this message for Zara’s closing feature on the Warrior of the Centar.

 

(A man comes through the shuttle collecting the passengers’ transportation ducats.)

 

OMEGA (on screen)

The survival of our fleet depends upon the dedication and quality of our warriors. 

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

All passengers must have their transportation ducats.  Thank you.

 

OMEGA (continued)

Since our escape from home, our ranks have grown, but we still need a few good men and women.  If you’re between sixteen and forty-six yahrens and not presently serving in a highly critical civilian occupation, you should consider becoming a Colonial warrior.  If you want to become part of the team that’s defending the fleet, request an open channel to Galactica recruitment.  We need you.

 

ZARA

Please welcome with me Lieutenant Starbuck.  Hello.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Transportation ducat, please.

 

STARBUCK (on screen)

Hi.

 

ZARA

Exactly how old are you, Lieutenant?

 

STARBUCK

I don’t know.

 

ZARA

(laughs)

Oh, well, I realize that you must be very nervous, but surely you can remember your age.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Have your transportation ducats ready, please.

 

STARBUCK

I’m an orphan.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

All passengers must have their transportation ducats.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Please have your ducats ready.

 

STARBUCK

I, uh, I—I was found wandering in the, uh, thorn forest on Caprica.  So I, I, I really don’t know how old I am.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

(to Chameleon and Blassie)

Transportation ducats, please?

 

(Siress Blassie deposits her ducat, but Chameleon motions the ducat collector to wait.)

 

ZARA

How awful for you.

 

STARBUCK

Well, I, I used to think that, but, eh, after the Cylons annihilated the Colonies, uh, most everybody I know lost some member of their family, and – not having a family to lose, I guess in a way I was, uh, lucky.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Um, sir?

 

CHAMELEON

(switches the interview off)

We’re making a mistake with that program.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Uh, uh, sir, we’re, uh, fifteen centons away from docking, and I need— 

 

CHAMELEON
I’m in charge of Inter-Fleet Broadcasting. 

 

BLASSIE

You run the IFB?

 

CHAMELEON

Well, actually, just the news and interviews.

(laughs)

You see, interviewing warriors isn’t enough.  This fleet has thousands of civilians whose contributions are every bit as important as any warrior’s.  That’s what we need. 

(to ducat collector)

Well, take you, for example.  I’ll wager you have more responsibilities than – than just walking around here picking up these ducats.

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

(laughs)

Oh, I sure do.  I – I’m responsible for vehicle maintenance, a-and just keeping this old tub flying with hand-me-down parts is a full-time job in itself.  

 

CHAMELEON
Precisely my point.  We should be interviewing people like you on IFB, people who serve without glory.  By the Lillium moons, we should interview – you!

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Me?

 

CHAMELEON

As soon as you’re off duty, report to the Comm-Tel ship.  I want Zara to interview you for our next broadcast.  We’ll call it “The Unsung Heroes of the Centar.”  How’s that sound?

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

It sounds great.

(laughs)

Thank you!

 

CHAMELEON

Thank you.

(laughs)

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

(leaves, then returns and holds out his collection box to Chameleon)

 

CHAMELEON

I gave you my ducat, remember?

(laughs)

 

DUCAT COLLECTOR

Oh!  Y-y-y-yeah, sure.

(laughs and leaves again)

Uh, Rising Star in ten centons.  Have your ducats ready.

 

(Chameleon switches the interview back on.)

 

STARBUCK

Um, my parents probably perished in the Cylon raid on Umbra.  That was a little agro city on the edge of the thorn forest.  It was destroyed in a sneak attack in seventy-three twenty-two.  Thousands of children were found wandering in the forest afterwards, and, uh, I was one of ’em. 

 

(On the Rising Star, Chameleon and Blassie disembark from the Canaris shuttle.)

 

CHAMELEON

Why don’t you go ahead without me?  Um, um, I—I’ll join you i-in a centon.

 

BLASSIE

What’s wrong?

 

CHAMELEON

Uh, ah, I seem to have misplaced my wallet.  Probably dropped it on the Canaris.  Um, you—you better – just don’t worry about me, it – it – uh—I—I—I’ll be fine, I—

 

BLASSIE

I’ll do no such thing.  I have plenty of markers and cubits; even some Orion checks.  Here, you take some.

 

CHAMELEON

Siress Blassie, as a gentleman, I cannot possibly accept currency from a lady – especially a Siress.

 

BLASSIE

(laughs)

Oh.  As a Siress, I insist. 

 

CHAMELEON

Well, if you put it that way—

(laughs)

Uh, of – of course I accept, uh, o-on one condition.  And that is that you return with me to my billet this very night.  Eh—eh—so I may repay you.

 

BLASSIE

Oh.  Why, of course, if you feel that strongly about it, naturally I shall return with you. 

 

CHAMELEON

(laughs)

 

BLASSIE

So you can “repay” me.

 

CHAMELEON

Thank you.

(laughs)

 

BLASSIE

(wrinkles nose flirtatiously)

 

CHAMELEON

Shall we go in?

 

(In the lounge, Boomer and Jolly are drinking and watching a female dance troupe perform.)

 

JOLLY

Stay clear of my ion trail; I’m lockin’ on target.

 

BOOMER
Hey, hey, hey, hold it, Jolly.  Jolly, look, I thought you were gonna go get some food!

 

JOLLY

I see all the food I need.

(sits at a table near the dancers)

 

BOOMER

(laughs)

 

APOLLO

(laughs)

 

STARBUCK

Well, I guess they’re occupied for the rest of the furlon.

 

APOLLO

Starbuck, I am not losing another secton’s pay.

 

STARBUCK

Mmmm, but, uh, how would you like to win another secton’s pay?

(pulls Apollo toward the exit)

 

APOLLO

(stops at the doorway)

I wanna watch this!

 

(Starbuck yanks Apollo out of the room just as Chameleon and Blassie enter.  The dance troupe finishes and the patrons begin dancing, including Chameleon and Blassie.)

 

FEMALE VOICE (in background)

How long you gonna stand there?  Okay.

 

(Three Borellian Nomen come to the doorway.  The music, dancing, and conversation cease, replaced by utterances of surprise.)

 

BOOMER

Borellian Nomen? 

 

CHAMELEON

(groans)

 

BOOMER

I knew we had some among the survivors, but I – I never heard of them mixing with the other colonists.

 

JOLLY

They don’t, unless they’re on a blood trail.

 

BOOMER

(to the crowd)

Relax, folks!  There’s nothin’ to be concerned about here.  These fellow voyagers are only here to enjoy themselves, just like the rest of us. 

(to the Nomen)

Right?

 

(The Nomen do not answer, but walk to a table, silently evicting its occupants and sitting down.)

 

PASSERBY

Siress.

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, uh, uh, Siress, I—I wonder if you’d be so kind a-a-as to excuse me for a moment.  Uh—I actually shuttled here on business.  It won’t take long.

 

BLASSIE

Oh, I do hope it’s not interviewing those young female warriors.

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, ho ho!  Oh, let me assure you, I find a woman who has experienced life much more attractive than mere youth.

(laughs)

I won’t be long.  Promise.

(laughs again and retreats with a wary eye on the Nomen)

 

(Taba catches sight of Chameleon and draws his laser boles, causing panic in the crowd.)

 

BOOMER

How long before they blow?

 

MAGA

He is young.  He activated them by accident. 

 

JOLLY

Have him deactivate them!

 

BOOMER

He can’t deactivate them.  Once drawn, they have to be used or they reach critical mass and explode.  How much time?

 

MAGA

Fifty microns.

 

BOOMER

(to Taba)

You. 

(snaps fingers)

The vertical supporter.

(indicating a column)

 

MAGA

(nods)

 

(Taba throws the weapon and it discharges against the column.)

 

BOOMER

(sighs)

Borellian Nomen don’t draw laser boles by accident.

 

MAGA

I said he is young.  The drink and the music have excited him; that is all.  It will not happen again. 

 

BOOMER

Oh, uh, that’s a fact, sir.  Because if you’re staying here, these weapons are coming off.

 

TABA

It is against our code to be unarmed.

 

BOOMER

You shoulda thought of that before you got excited. 

 

MAGA

(nods)

And we should have known better than to mix with other colonists.  We will await transportation back to our ship in the docking lounge. 

 

BOOMER

(nods, sighs as the Nomen exit)

 

(In the docking lounge, the Nomen wait with other passengers while the video screen shows a Triad match.)

 

ANNOUNCER (from screen)

I don’t believe it…

 

CONTROL VOICE

Canaris shuttle now ready for boarding.  Inter-fleet orbit Beta.  Docking at the Tauranian, Pisces, agro ship, and the freighter Borella. 

 

(The Nomen remain seated while other passengers board.)

 

ANNOUNCER

… last game, and they assured me that this was going to turn into one competitive match.  They have…

 

MAGA

This fool is of your blood.  I hold you responsible.

 

BORA

I accept the burden for Taba and vow we will bring the prey down. 

 

MAGA

Mmm.  Tell me something I do not know, Bora, like how a Borellian Noman could break the code by drawing his weapon without thinking.

 

TABA

Maga, I saw that jackal Captain Dimitri a—

 

MAGA

Your lack of discipline is disgusting.  You are a warrior of the code, a Noman!  The very name strikes like a scorpius at the heart of others, for we alone survived in the land of the megasun and the endless sands, and we alone shall survive this trek through the stars, if we keep the code. 

 

TABA

I am sorry.

 

MAGA

If you wish to apologize, Taba, do it after you’ve been punished – if you survive. 

 

(On the gambling deck, Starbuck places a bet at the Pyramid table.)

 

MALE VOICE (in background)

Hey!  Aaaahhhhhh!  Hey, loan me ten, will ya?  Hey, man.  Whoo, whoo!

 

STARBUCK

I’ll, uh, hover with these.

 

DEALER

Everything above a half pyramid wins. 

 

APOLLO

(exhaling)

Hoo!

 

(Chameleon quietly joins them.)

 

STARBUCK

Ahh!

(laughs)

Eh, stick with me, buddy.  I’m tellin’ ya, this system can’t lose.

 

APOLLO

Evening’s young, Starbuck.

 

STARBUCK

Ehh, trouble with you is a lack of faith.

 

APOLLO

No, just an overabundance of experience with your systems.

 

CHAMELEON

(to dealer)

Build me, please.

(gets another card)

I’ll hover with this.

 

STARBUCK

Build me.

(examines his new card)

Ah. 

(makes calculation and laughs)

I’ll hover with this.

(puts down many more cubits while reassuring Apollo)

Hey.

 

CHAMELEON

(clears throat)

Pardon me.  I realize it’s no concern of mine, but the system you’re playing has one flaw.

 

STARBUCK

(laughs slightly)

Flaw?

 

CHAMELEON

(nods)

The odds are three to one against the dealer holding a capstone, but if she is, you can’t win.  And your system doesn’t consider that. 

 

STARBUCK

Eh. 

 

CHAMELEON

I thought you ought to know.

(laughs)

 

STARBUCK

(laughs)

Thanks.

 

CHAMELEON

(nods, clears throat again)

 

STARBUCK

Well, hm. 

(to dealer)

Just—

(takes back most of the cubits; Chameleon nods)

Okay.

 

DEALER

Capstone and full pyramid.  No winners.

 

STARBUCK

Mmmm. 

 

APOLLO

Can’t lose, huh?

 

STARBUCK

Well, the system has one little flaw.  Uh, the—the— uh, the— I’ll work it out!  See?

(to Chameleon)

Thanks, (laughs) uhhh—?

 

CHAMELEON

Chameleon.

 

STARBUCK

Chameleon.

 

CHAMELEON

Yeah. 

 

STARBUCK

I’m Starbuck, and, eh—

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, yes.

 

STARBUCK

This is my conscience, Apollo.

 

APOLLO

Ah, you just saved me an early shuttle home listening to all the reasons why his system should’ve worked.

 

CHAMELEON

(laughs)

I’d be honored if, um, you officers would permit me to purchase a drink for you.

 

STARBUCK

(calculating)

Okay.  I think I’ve got it figured out.

 

APOLLO

That’s a wonderful idea!  Starbuck—

(pulls Starbuck away from table)

 

STARBUCK

(to dealer)

Look, I’ll—

 

APOLLO

Come on, Starbuck.

 

STARBUCK

Wait, I just want to—

(to dealer)

Uh— cash us in.  Okay?

 

(In the docking lounge, the Nomen continue to wait while the Triad match plays on the screen.)

 

ANNOUNCER

There’s a deflection by Oberon over the head of Vargas and off the wall into the corner.

 

MAGA

Patience, Bora, patience.  He can’t stay in there for ever. 

 

ANNOUNCER

… and Targo comes up with it.  He turns, drives to the goal; Para with a deflection sends it spinning off the left wall to Vargas.  He makes a move to pass.

 

(On the gambling deck, Starbuck and Apollo drink with Chameleon.)

 

STARBUCK

Chameleon, I thought I was the one that discovered this system.

 

CHAMELEON

Lieutenant, I’m afraid I was using it on Caprica when you were still in swaddling, although I must say I never met anyone else who played it. 

 

STARBUCK

(laughs)

 

APOLLO

If it exists, Starbuck will play it.

(Starbuck and Chameleon laugh)

Are you a professional wagerer?

 

CHAMELEON

I was, long ago.  Now I’m a genetic tracer. 

 

APOLLO

I – I’ve never heard of that.

 

CHAMELEON

Few people have.  It’s rather a new science.  You see, the annihilation of our Colonies left thousands of nameless orphans.  My task is to unite them with blood relatives who have also survived. 

 

STARBUCK

But, eh— (laughs) that’s impossible. 

 

CHAMELEON

Difficult, Lt. Starbuck, but not impossible.  If I have a reason to believe such a relationship exists, there are genetic tests to confirm or deny it. 

 

APOLLO

You mean you can test everyone in the fleet and tell who’s related to who?

 

CHAMELEON

Theoretically, yes, but— (laughs) it would take thousands of yahrens. 

(laughs again)

Uh, uh, the procedure requires taking neurological cell samples from both subjects and putting them through rather technical tests.  It’s, um, it’s, um, mm.

 

APOLLO

It’s fascinating.  How did you ever switch from a professional wagerer to a genetic tracer?  They seem light-yahrens apart.

 

CHAMELEON

I did it out of necessity, Captain.  Hm-hm.  You see, I was badly injured in one of the first Cylon raids on Caprica.  Eh, eh, for five yahrens I was a traumatic amnesiac, and upon recovering I learned that my wife had been killed in that raid.  Evidently my baby son had escaped.  I tried to find him. 

 

STARBUCK

Eh, did you ever find him?

 

CHAMELEON

Mmm, no, Starbuck, I never did. 

 

STARBUCK

Well, uh, just where and, eh, when did this raid take place?

 

CHAMELEON

Well, you’ve probably never heard of it.  It occurred near the Caprican thorn forest at an agro community called Umbra.

(Starbuck grows pensive)

Lieutenant, um, what—what’s wrong?

 

STARBUCK

Uh, I was orphaned in the raid on Umbra.

 

CHAMELEON

Were you?  Well, to say the least, this is an incredible coincidence. 

 

STARBUCK

Chameleon—

 

CHAMELEON

No, before you go any further, let me say there were nearly three thousand children orphaned in that raid.  The chances of you being my son are astronomically low. 

 

STARBUCK

Well, uh, yes, but—

 

CHAMELEON

There is a chance.

 

APOLLO

Starbuck, this is wonderful!  But don’t get overenthused.

 

STARBUCK

Apollo, this man could be my father. 

 

APOLLO

The key words, buddy, are “could be.” 

 

STARBUCK

Look, I – I know the odds are against it, but, eh, we have a way of finding out.  We can take the test.

 

CHAMELEON

When a facility is available.  Our waiting list on the orphan ship is – yahren long.  I can’t ethically put us ahead of those toddlers, you know.

(laughs)

 

STARBUCK

Mm, no, of course not, eh—

 

CHAMELEON

However, we could do a hemotype and an iris cone count.  It’s very crude, it would match up hundreds of, even thousands of people, but it – it’s a beginning.

 

APOLLO

I thought you said the facilities were overloaded.

 

CHAMELEON

(laughs)

To be perfectly honest, Captain, there’s a chance you may have the very equipment we need on the Galactica.

 

STARBUCK

Well, what are we waiting for?  Let’s go!

 

APOLLO

Okay.  I’ll order up the shuttle while you two finish your drinks. 

(leaves)

 

STARBUCK

Well, uh, where do we begin?

 

CHAMELEON

How about with your birth?  Or rather, my son’s birth.

(they laugh)

 

(Apollo meets Boomer outside the lounge.)

 

APOLLO

Well, shuttle’s on its way.

 

BOOMER

Good.  This furlon is turning into one surprise after another, Apollo. 

 

APOLLO

What’s the matter?

 

BOOMER

I just had a run-in with some Borellian Nomen.

 

APOLLO

Borellian Nomen here on the Rising Star?

 

BOOMER

(nods)

One of them accidentally plucked one of those, uh, uh, laser boles they carry, and had to expend the energy on that column. 

 

APOLLO

Well, did you call Security?

 

BOOMER

No, hey, like I said, I think it was accidental.  Anyway, they agreed to leave on the next shuttle.

 

JOLLY

(enters with a sigh)

Well, they didn’t.

 

BOOMER

They what?

 

JOLLY

They didn’t leave.  The Canaris has come and gone and they’re still sitting in the docking lounge.  I’m tellin’ ya, Boomer, I think they’re on a blood trail. 

 

APOLLO

All right, you get Security.

(to Boomer)

Let’s go.

 

(Boomer and Apollo enter the docking lounge, where the Nomen are still waiting while the Triad match still plays on the screen.)

 

ANNOUNCER

There’s the deflection by Oberon, in to Vargas.  Tosses the ball into the corner…

 

BOOMER

I gave you a chance and you’re still here.  Explain.

 

ANNOUNCER

He turns, drives to the goal – he misses.

 

MAGA

By what authority do you question us, Lieutenant?  Are we not humans?  Are we not members of this fleet with equal rights and privileges? 

 

APOLLO

Yes, unless you abuse them.  This officer let you off lightly, then you lied to him. 

 

ANNOUNCER

Two centons, thirty-two microns remain in the period.  It’s anybody’s game so far…

 

(Taba grabs for his laser boles and is stopped by Maga.  Immediately Boomer and Apollo have their lasers drawn.)

 

TABA

He insulted you.

 

MAGA

If he had, he would be dead.  It is you who have insulted me – twice!  You must answer to the code. 

(strips Taba of his laser boles)

Your name will be stricken from the roster of the Nomen. 

(to Apollo and Boomer)

Do with him as you wish.  To me, he no longer exists.

 

(Jolly enters with Security guards.)

 

CONTROL VOICE

Galactica shuttle now ready for immediate boarding and departure.

 

APOLLO

This man is to be held for Security Council hearing.  I’ll file the complaint.

 

BOOMER

(to Maga)

And you still haven’t answered my question.  Why didn’t you leave?

 

MAGA

We did not leave because the Canaris was full.  We’re waiting for the next shuttle.  It is that simple.

 

JOLLY

And you’re not on a blood trail?

 

MAGA

We would not be returning to our ship if we were. 

(to Boomer)

There is much we can learn from one another, Lieutenant, not the least of which is trust.

 

(Starbuck and Chameleon arrive.)

 

STARBUCK

Listen, have you ever smoked fumarellos?

 

CHAMELEON

No, no.

 

STARBUCK

Ah!  Apollo, let’s go.  Our shuttle’s here!

(he and Chameleon board the shuttle)

 

APOLLO

Be right with you, Starbuck.

(to Maga, who has kept his eyes on Chameleon)

Perhaps you’re right.  In time.

 

(Apollo and Boomer board the shuttle and Jolly leaves the docking lounge.)

 

BORA

I do not question, Maga, only ask enlightenment.

 

ANNOUNCER

This is one sensational game.

 

MAGA

Speak.

 

BORA

Taba broke our code, and must be punished, but why at the hands of these weak Colonial warriors?

 

MAGA

Kill these warriors and others will follow, to our ship.  

 

BORA

We will fight them to the death.

 

MAGA

They are weak, but they are many.  In time, but now we must have the patience of the scorpius.  And you forget, we are on the blood trail. 

 

BORA

You speak wisely, as usual.  Our prey has found protection with the warrior called Starbuck.  What if he speaks of even the little he knows?

 

MAGA

He cannot, without incriminating himself.  No, he feels safe, and so he will remain silent, and that will be his death.

 

BORA

If we can get on board the Galactica.

 

MAGA

We will get on the Galactica. 

 

OMEGA (on screen)

… paid full warrior’s compensation from the centon you enlist.  If you want to become part of the team that’s defending the fleet, request an open channel to Galactica recruitment.  We need you.

 

(aboard the Galactica shuttle)

 

SHEBA

I think it’s wonderful.  After all these yahrens, to finally find his father!

(sighs)

It’s a miracle.

 

BOOMER
That may be.

 

CHAMELEON

(in the rear of the shuttle, to Starbuck)

All right, I’ll get it, second one.

 

BOOMER

Look, it didn’t connect until I saw Chameleon with Starbuck, but when that young Noman plucked those laser boles, I could swear he was looking straight at Chameleon. 

 

SHUTTLE PILOT

The Nomen did what?

 

APOLLO

We’ll explain it later.

(to Boomer)

You think they’re on a blood trail?  And after Chameleon?

 

BOOMER

May be.  I don’t know.

 

SHEBA

Well, even if the Nomen were after him, he’s safe now and—

 

CHAMELEON

(to Starbuck)

There’s only one way.

 

SHEBA

— I really don’t see what that has to do with him being Starbuck’s father.

(laughs; Apollo looks at her)

Maybe being Starbuck’s father.

 

APOLLO

If he was running from the Nomen—

 

CHAMELEON

(to Starbuck)

If you know what I mean.

 

STARBUCK

(to Chameleon)

We have to do it.

 

APOLLO

—he’d need protection.

 

BOOMER

And we just escorted him off the Rising Star.

 

CHAMELEON

Siress Blassie seemed quite disappointed.  Naturally, when I explained the circumstances, she understood.

 

STARBUCK

Eh—  And you just met this Siress?

 

CHAMELEON

Yes, I—  Why?

 

STARBUCK

(laughs)

We’ve got to be related!

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, yeah!

(laughing along with Starbuck)

 

RIGEL (over communicator)

Galactica shuttle returning from the Rising Star, you are cleared for landing.

 

(In the life station, Cassiopeia runs tests on Starbuck and Chameleon.)

 

CASSIOPEIA

(clicks tongue)

It’s finished.

 

STARBUCK

Yes?  Well?

 

CASSIOPEIA

Well, you’re both from the same planet, and from the same tribe, and you’re at least related within ten generations.

 

STARBUCK

Yyyyyyyyahoo!

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs)

Now, uh, Starbuck, there are at least a hundred men aboard the fleet that could match you both on these tests.  It’s not scientifically conclusive. 

 

SHEBA

Well, I’m happy for both of you. 

(laughs; to Cassiopeia)

Can you do the genetic tests?

 

CASSIOPEIA

Yes, immediately, if these two are up to it.  I think Mr. Chameleon could use some rest, though.

 

CHAMELEON

No, let’s begin at once, please.

 

CASSIOPEIA

All right.  This way, gentlemen.

(escorts Chameleon)

And you too, Starbuck.

 

STARBUCK

Ehh.

(he and Cassiopeia laugh)

 

(Adama’s quarters)

 

ADAMA

This will be an informal council.  If anyone has anything to say, let them feel free to say it.  Apollo, what did Jolly tell you?

 

APOLLO

He said the Nomen got on the next shuttle like they said they would.

 

ADAMA

What about the man who is detained?

 

BOOMER

He’s still insisting that it was an accident and that it was just too much excitement and drink.

 

SHEBA

If these Nomen were after Chameleon, why didn’t he just ask for your protection?

 

APOLLO

(sighs)

I don’t know.  Maybe he couldn’t for some reason. 

 

SHEBA

(sighs)

All right, say he couldn’t.  Say this whole thing is all just really some sort of a con.  Why is he so anxious to take this test?  I’d think he’d want to delay it as long as possible so he could remain aboard the Galactica.

 

APOLLO

(sighs)

Sssshh.  I’m beginning to feel like a – equinus’s atrum.

 

BOOMER

(laughs sadly)

Makes two of us.

 

ADAMA

Has anyone ever thought of checking out Chameleon’s story?

 

APOLLO

How do you check out something he claimed happened twenty yahrens ago on Caprica? 

 

ADAMA

Well, you could start by asking Colonel Tigh to run a routine security check.  Uh, with discretion.  I’m not sure Starbuck would understand.

 

APOLLO

Father, you don’t share my concern, do you?

 

ADAMA

Apollo, I wasn’t there, but if you believe this man is using Starbuck, then you must act on your belief. 

 

BOOMER

Well, I guess a security check is about all we can do.

 

SHEBA

Is that really necessary? 

 

ADAMA

You could always confront Chameleon with your concerns.

 

APOLLO
Father, I’d be practically calling the man a liar.

 

SHEBA

Not practically.

 

ADAMA

Well, if he’s telling the truth, he’ll understand.  And if he’s not telling the truth, I wouldn’t worry too much about his feelings.

 

SHEBA

Don’t look at me.  I happen to believe the man.

 

BOOMER

Well, I’d, uhh, rather be on patrol. 

(to Apollo)

I’m with you.

 

APOLLO

Sheba, would you ask Colonel Tigh to run the security check?

 

SHEBA

(nods)

All right, I will. 

 

(In the launch bay, Tigh and Omega address a new group of warrior recruits.)

 

TIGH

Welcome aboard the Galactica.  Most of you have never set foot on the deck of a battlestar before, and it’s normal to find it a bit overwhelming.  We don’t want you lost on your first day aboard, so Flight Officer Omega will escort you to recruit quarters.  Omega?

 

OMEGA

Follow me, please.

(the recruits follow, including Maga and Bora)

 

(In the life station, Cassiopeia administers the next round of tests.)

 

STARBUCK

Um— this isn’t gonna hurt, is it?

 

CASSIOPEIA

My hero. 

 

STARBUCK

Well, I – I just wanna know what you’re gonna do.  I—

 

CASSIOPEIA

I am going to extract a neurocell. 

 

STARBUCK

A brain cell?

 

CASSIOPEIA

Mm-hmm.

 

STARBUCK

From my head?

 

CASSIOPEIA

(nods)

 

STARBUCK

Oh.  And it isn’t dangerous.

 

CASSIOPEIA

Only if there’s nothing in there to extract. 

 

STARBUCK

(laughs)

Cute. 

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs)

Starbuck, you won’t feel a thing, I promise you.  Now, this finite laser extractor is going to withdraw the image, just the image, of a single neurocell without even breaking the epidermis layer on your head.

 

STARBUCK

Well, it still sounds dangerous.

 

CHAMELEON

(rolls eyes)

 

CASSIOPEIA

(sighs, kisses Starbuck’s forehead)

 

(in an adjoining chamber of the life station)

 

APOLLO

How’s it goin’?

 

CASSIOPEIA

Well, I’m just about ready. 

 

APOLLO

Look, uh, Cassiopeia, can you hold Starbuck here after the test?  Boomer and I want a word with, uh, Chameleon alone. 

 

CASSIOPEIA

Sure.  What’s going on, Apollo?

 

APOLLO

Ah, nothing really, just, uh, some routine questions.

 

CASSIOPEIA

Apollo, you know I have more than just a medical interest in Starbuck. 

 

BOOMER

Cassiopeia, there’s a – there’s a chance that, uh, Chameleon is pulling a hoax. 

 

APOLLO

There’s just a chance, but we’d like to check it out. 

 

CASSIOPEIA

(sighs)

Oh, God, I hope you’re wrong. 

 

(in the inner chamber)

 

CHAMELEON

Cassiopeia reminds me of your mother.  Sorry, (laughs) my wife.  Huh.  Same eyes, same hair, sense of humor. 

 

STARBUCK

Really?  I – eh — is she a lot like her?

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, quite a lot.  Why?

 

STARBUCK

Well, I, uh, I never told this to anyone before, eh, not even Apollo, but, uh, Cassiopeia’s the only woman I ever considered, uh – well, the only one I ever considered getting sealed to.

 

CHAMELEON

(mouths “oh”)

 

STARBUCK

Though I th— I mean, eh, uh, someday, uh, maybe, w-w-when we find Earth.  Eh.  You know what I mean?

 

CHAMELEON

Yes.  I know.

(laughs)

 

STARBUCK

(whispers)

Yeah.

 

(in the recruit quarters)

 

OMEGA

Find yourselves a bunk.  This will be your quarters during training.  We’ll issue you uniforms and start your physical and mental test after sleep period.  You’re going to be very busy, so try and get some rest.  Corporal Lomas has the watch in this compartment.  Corporal?

 

LOMAS

Now, if you have any questions, I’m here to assist you. 

(Maga slaps him on the shoulder)

Yes?

 

MAGA

We have a friend, a warrior who saved our lives during the escape from the Colonies.  Would his quarters be near here? 

 

LOMAS

What’s his name?

 

BORA

Starbuck.  Lieutenant Starbuck.

 

LOMAS

Lieutenant Starbuck is billeted with the Blue Squadron on Beta deck, but they’re all on furlon.  Besides, as recruits you’re required to stay in this area until your security clearances are completed.  If you want, I’ll be glad to get a message to Lt. Starbuck.

 

MAGA

No.  We would rather surprise him. 

 

(in the officers’ club)

 

CHAMELEON

You thought I concocted a story about losing a son just so I could get off the Rising Star with a warrior?

 

BOOMER

I was in the Astro Lounge when that Borellian Noman plucked a pair of laser boles, and it looked like they might be after you. 

 

CHAMELEON

Yes, they may have been after me.  You see, uh, mm, they had a child they said was their nephew.  The genetic test I conducted proved them wrong. 

 

APOLLO

And they’re after you for that?

 

CHAMELEON

Mm, well, I don’t know, but considering how volatile they are, it is possible.

 

BOOMER

Uh, but – why didn’t you report this to Fleet Security?

 

CHAMELEON

Report what?  They’ve done nothing to harm me. 

 

APOLLO

(sighs)

Then you, uh, didn’t feel the need for warrior protection.

 

CHAMELEON

Mmmm, no, not really.

 

APOLLO

Uh, Chameleon, we’re very sorry.  We, uh, we were just concerned about Starbuck being used. 

 

CHAMELEON

He must be a fine young man to have such wonderful friends.

(slight laugh)

 

BOOMER

(nods)

 

APOLLO

(raises tankard)

To a positive match.

 

CHAMELEON

Ah, oh.  Hm.

(they toast)

 

(In the recruit area, the Nomen approach Lomas at his desk.)

 

LOMAS

Yes?

 

MAGA

We need a room to pray in.

 

BORA

Our code requires that we pray in private.  A small room will do.

 

LOMAS

I’m sorry, all recruits are restricted to quarters until security checks are conducted.

 

MAGA

Are you denying us our religious freedom?

 

LOMAS

No, but you have to stay here.  Those are the orders here—

 

MAGA

If we do not pray, in private, it is an unpardonable sin.

 

LOMAS

I suppose you could use the supply compartment.

 

MAGA

Any room will do, so long as it is private.

 

LOMAS

(goes into supply compartment and begins to move some uniforms out of the way)

I don’t know how in Hades you guys are ever gonna make warriors.

(Maga knocks him unconscious)

Unh!

 

MAGA

We are warriors.

 

(Elsewhere on the Galactica, Starbuck catches up to Apollo and Boomer in a corridor.)

 

STARBUCK

Ah, Apollo!  Boomer!  Hi.  Ah, you seen my father?

 

BOOMER
Uh, yeah, uh, we just left, uh, Chameleon in the officers’ club.

 

STARBUCK

(whispers)

Okay.

 

TIGH

Apollo, that security check on Chameleon just came through.

 

STARBUCK

What security check?

 

APOLLO

Uh, Starbuck, let me explain. 

 

STARBUCK

Explain?  Sure, go ahead.

 

APOLLO

When we met this, uh, Chameleon on the Rising Star, w—

 

STARBUCK

You started throwing ice water on the idea that he might be my father. 

 

BOOMER

Hold it.  Starbuck, we had our reasons.

 

STARBUCK

Ah.  You too – buddy.

 

APOLLO

It’s not Boomer; it’s me.  I didn’t know the man; I thought it might be a good idea to run a security check. 

 

STARBUCK

Want to know the trouble with you?  You don’t have faith in anyone, or anything, except yourself!

 

TIGH

What is going on?

 

STARBUCK

The end of a friendship.  Captain, Lieutenant, I’ll be with my father, if you wanna count the mess hall silver.  Otherwise, stay clear of me.

(walks off)

 

TIGH

His father?

 

BOOMER

(nods, clicks tongue)

There is a remote chance that Chameleon is Starbuck’s father. 

 

TIGH

That is very interesting, because according to fleet records this Chameleon doesn’t exist.

 

(Galactica bridge)

 

ADAMA

Then who is he? 

 

APOLLO

Whoever he is, he’s lying.

 

TIGH

But what could he want?

 

BOOMER

Protection from those Nomen. 

 

TIGH

Where are they?

 

OMEGA

Recruitment quarters, in sleep period.

 

TIGH

Alert the crewman on duty.

 

OMEGA

Right.

 

APOLLO

Nomen aboard the Galactica?

 

TIGH

They came in the last batch of recruits. 

 

OMEGA

Colonel, duty desk in recruit quarters doesn’t answer.

 

ADAMA

Get Security down there at once.

 

APOLLO

(sighs)

 

ADAMA

I want you to find Starbuck and Chameleon.  Put them in protective custody until those Nomen are located.

 

BOOMER

Yes, sir.

 

(In a corridor, two warriors are talking when they are approached by Maga and Bora disguised as crewmen.)

 

FEMALE WARRIOR

He has to protect his …

 

MALE WARRIOR

Can I help you crewmen?

 

MAGA

We’re trying to find Lt. Starbuck.  Orders.

 

MALE WARRIOR

Oh, well, he’s on furlon.

 

FEMALE WARRIOR

No, he’s back.

 

MALE WARRIOR

Is he?

 

FEMALE WARRIOR

I saw him heading down to launch bay Alpha with some civilian. 

 

(In the launch bay, Chameleon is seated in Starbuck’s Viper.)

 

STARBUCK

Aux boost, main thrusters, and, eh, this is the switch to the laser generators.  When it’s on, you can press that little baby and, eh, you unleash millions of voltons of firepower.

 

CHAMELEON

(sighs in amazement)

Incredible.

 

STARBUCK

Mm.

 

CHAMELEON

I can only imagine what it must be like streaking through the stars with your own fate in your very own hands.

(Starbuck laughs)

I tell you, that’s, uh, that’s something.  Mm, mm.

 

STARBUCK

Ah, yes.  There’s, eh, nothing quite like it in the universe. 

 

CHAMELEON

(nods)

Hmm.

 

STARBUCK

I’ll miss it.

 

CHAMELEON

What do you mean?

 

STARBUCK

Well, I know the tests are gonna be positive, and I’m gonna make up to you for all the yahrens we’ve lost. 

 

CHAMELEON

Starbuck, I should be saying that, eh…

 

STARBUCK

No, you spent your life trying to find me.  I owe you.

 

CHAMELEON

My dear boy, you really don’t know anything about me. 

 

STARBUCK

That’s why I’m resigning from the service. 

 

CHAMELEON

Resigning?

 

STARBUCK

I wanna get to know you.  We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, and I – I can’t do that if I’m shuttling over to the orphan ship between alerts.

 

CHAMELEON

But – but they need you on the Galactica.

 

STARBUCK

Nah.  They got a lot of hot pilots.  They don’t need me.  Besides, it’s time I did something meaningful with my life. 

 

CHAMELEON

Meaningful?  Well, what could be more important than defending the fleet?

 

STARBUCK

Reuniting babies with their families.  Your work is so much more important than mine.  Y-you work with life, not death, and – (sighs) I want to help you.  We’ll be a great team. 

 

CHAMELEON

(laughs sadly)

Hey, s—son, you make me feel very proud.  You do.  A-and very – insignificant.

 

STARBUCK

Insignificant?

 

CHAMELEON

Look, the – the truth of the matter is—

 

(Maga and Bora come down the lift.)

 

STARBUCK

Wonder what the hangar crew’s doing down here when the squadron’s on furlon.

 

CHAMELEON

They don’t look like the hangar crew to me.

(hides in the cockpit while Starbuck goes to meet the Nomen)

 

STARBUCK

What’s going on?

 

MAGA

Where is he?

 

STARBUCK

Uh, wh-where’s who?

 

BORA

The jackal, Captain Dimitri.

 

STARBUCK

There’s no, eh, Captain Dimitri here, just me.  I’m gonna ask you one more time, what’s going on?

 

MAGA

A blood hunt, Lieutenant.

 

(The Nomen draw their laser boles and cast them at Starbuck as he returns fire.  He loses his laser dodging a weapon and retreats down the launch tube.  One of the Nomen casts his second pair of laser boles and they begin searching for Starbuck in the tube.) 

 

CHAMELEON

(searching the Viper controls)

Laser, laser.

(Starbuck emerges from his hiding place as the Nomen pass and runs toward the launch bay)

Son, hit the deck!

(fires the Viper’s lasers and the resulting explosion hurls Starbuck into the launch bay; Chameleon coughs and blows at the smoke)

Starbuck!  Starbuck!  You all right?

 

STARBUCK

(groans and coughs as he sits up, then laughs)

No one but my father’d be crazy enough to fire a laser in a launch tube.

(groans and coughs again)

 

(Apollo and Boomer run in with Security.)

 

BOOMER

Starbuck.

 

CHAMELEON

They’re in the launch tube.

 

BOOMER

(to Security)

Come on.

 

APOLLO

What happened?

 

STARBUCK

I don’t know, s-some Nomen dressed like hangar crew came after me. 

 

BOOMER

(from the launch tube)
Better get some med techs down here!  Don’t ask me how, but these two survived.

 

STARBUCK

(clearing throat)

They’re on a blood hunt after some Captain Dimitri.  I don’t know a Dimitri on the Galactica.  Do you?

 

CHAMELEON

I’m Captain Dimitri.

(clears throat)

Sort of.

(clears throat again)

 

(Adama’s quarters)

 

STARBUCK

Well, in one of his, uh, various occupations, he discovered that the Nomen were hoarding everything from medicine to laser generators.  Uh, they had enough spare parts there to build a complete Viper.  So he, eh, pretended to be Captain Dimitri. 

 

ADAMA

Of the livestock ship.

 

STARBUCK

That’s right.  They paid him to slip them enough livestock to live on for yahrens.  Well, when they found out that he’d conned them, they, uh, went on a blood hunt. 

 

BOOMER

That twisted code of theirs. 

 

STARBUCK

Yeah.  And you were right.  He was just, uh, using me to get off the Rising Star.

 

APOLLO

Starbuck, we’re sorry. 

 

STARBUCK

Ehh—

(sighs)

Apollo, Boomer, I’m the one who owes you both an apology. 

 

APOLLO

Yeah, I really wish he could have been your father.

 

SHEBA

Starbuck, we all do.

 

STARBUCK

Ah, I don’t know.  I’m a little old to start breaking in a father now. 

 

(In a corridor, Cassiopeia approaches a Security guard.)

 

CASSIOPEIA

Where’s Chameleon?

 

GUARD

(indicates)

 

CASSIOPEIA

(to Chameleon)

It’s positive.  The test results, they’re positive!

 

CHAMELEON

Positive? 

(Cassiopeia nods)

Positive.

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs)

Oh, I can’t wait to tell Starbuck.  We’ve got to find him.

 

CHAMELEON

No, you – you’ve made a mistake.  It’s negative!

 

CASSIOPEIA

N-no, no, I’ve got it all here!  It’s positive!

 

CHAMELEON

Cassiopeia, it has to be negative.  If it isn’t, Starbuck will give up everything he loves – his career, his friends, even you.  And for what?  To try and recapture with an old fool, who’s never done a straight thing in his life, y-yahrens that are gone for ever?  For his sake, please, it has to be negative. 

 

CASSIOPEIA

You’re his father.

 

CHAMELEON

But if he doesn’t know that, perhaps I can be his friend.  I can be a very good friend.  And after twenty yahrens, isn’t that more important? 

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs resignedly)

But you will tell him, someday?

 

CHAMELEON

Someday.  Maybe the day he gets sealed.

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs)

Starbuck, sealed?  Never.

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, I’m not so sure.

 

CASSIOPEIA

(laughs; they embrace and laugh together)

 

(Adama’s quarters)

 

ADAMA

We’ve been discussing what to do about you. 

 

CHAMELEON

I suppose that could be a problem. 

(clears throat)

 

ADAMA

Well, in a way thanks to you, we’ve put an end to our internal problem.  However—

 

CHAMELEON

I could just go back doing – what I was doing.  Oh, I don’t suppose I could.

(clears throat)

 

ADAMA

Chameleon – is that your real name?

 

CHAMELEON

Uh, actually, um, well, eh – um – yeah, yes, it is.

 

ADAMA

Good, because we have been bombarded with messages from a Siress Blassie on the senior ship, and we’ve told her the circumstances, but she’s willing to accept all responsibility for your rehabilitation. 

 

CHAMELEON

Y—uhh, uh, mm, (coughs) Commander, if I may, I don’t think that—

 

ADAMA

It is so ordered. 

 

STARBUCK

Chameleon, eh, you were in a tight spot; you did what you had to do, so, um, no hard feelings.

 

CHAMELEON

Thanks.

 

STARBUCK

Yeah.

 

CHAMELEON

Thank you.

 

STARBUCK

Look, I’ve, uh, I’ve grown kind of attached.  Um, uh, I wonder if I might, eh, um, see you now and then, if—?

 

CHAMELEON

Oh, sure, yes, you – oh, come on – certainly.

(laughs)

 

STARBUCK

Commander, mind if I shuttle him back to the senior ship?

 

ADAMA

You’re still on furlon.

 

CHAMELEON

(mouths “thank you” at Cassiopeia; she nods; Starbuck catches him nodding back at her and Chameleon laughs)

Uh, thank you.  And thank you all, and I’m sorry for all the trouble I may have put you through.

(Apollo and Sheba nod)

Mm.

(to Adama)

Thank you.

 

ADAMA

Good luck.

 

STARBUCK

Now, about that betting system – are you sure the flaw can’t be worked out?

 

CHAMELEON

Positive – unless you cheat. 

 

STARBUCK

Uhh…

 

CHAMELEON

I once knew a three-handed dealer on Pinius…

 

 

-END TRANSCRIPT-

 

 

NOTES

 

Adama’s log recorder varies slightly from the speech as given here, omitting the word “would,” not inserting a comma after “directions,” and transcribing “it’s” as “it is.”

 

According to the website “Sheba’s Galaxy,” the full scripted first line for Zed is as follows:  “It’s been nearly three sectons since our patrols have made any Cylon contact, and while there has been no official word from the Galactica, sources close to Commander Adama indicate that he is cautiously optimistic that we have eluded Cylon pursuit in this star quadrant.”